Not Wrong, Just Different
By Ann Ferguson
Do you ever get frustrated when you are on a quest to learn and use the universal laws of thought to co-create a magnificent life, and your nearest and dearest aren’t interested in knowing what you are doing?
Me too! I have had to rely on the skill of honoring others and their timing when I experience this frustration because if not, I will spin into negative places and behave in ways that are not productive. There is a universal law called The Law of Gestation. It states that there is a time appointed for every creation’s growth, including plants, animals, ideas, and yes, even me and everyone around me.
But, even with that understanding, sometimes I feel pretty lonely. When exciting things are happening, I want to share how cool it is that I have found a divine way to have control over my outcomes, and it’s not because I’m special. It’s because I found out that there are laws that govern faith. When I use these laws, it opens up the rare faith necessary to cause things to happen. Now I see miracles in my life all the time. Some people who know me assume that it’s luck or a favorable coincidence. I know it’s not. I know I have intentionally used a particular pattern of thought to co-create with my Savior, and he is teaching me how to have faith to move mountains. I have tested this pattern over and over and over. It works! I get to watch mountains move, and dreams come true. My heart’s desire is for everyone around me to know how cool it is to joyfully create a fulfilling life and how to do it for themselves.
“Nature does not hurry, yet everything is accomplished.” ~ Lao Tzu
This wonderful quote reminds me that all of us are walking at the speed and tempo that is comfortable for us. Our timing is perfect for our process of growth. God has you and the ones you love in his hands. When it’s time, my nearest and dearest will find what they need even if it’s not what I offer to them, and so will yours. Sometimes remembering that is easy; other times, it’s not.
The truth is that when I am feeling frustrated, dismissed, or lonely, it usually means I’m trying to control things that are not within my control. I get irritated and blame God for not controlling what, in my opinion, he is supposed to control. I am so busy blaming outside forces that I do not look inside to see what is truly mine to do. In short, I’m having a pity party and not feeling any gratitude for how long things are taking. It’s hard to admit this, but having my friends and family get on board is not always about helping them like I say it is. There are times when it’s all about me, what I want, and how fast I want it. Yikes, that sounds pretty immature and self-centered. Sometimes telling the truth about yourself is painful!
It’s a good thing I know God loves me anyway, even when my motives are not always as saintly as I would like them to appear. He loves me enough to show me the truth and asks me to look back. When I take a deep breath and look into my past, I recognize that I have had heavenly help all along. God is doing his part. When I realize what has been done on my behalf, I return to the frequencies of gratitude and patience. From there, I find my peace again and start to experience the joy of creation.
This whole experience of looking back happened last spring. I asked my husband if he would consider joining the Rare Faith Mindset Mastery course. His response was disheartening. He clenched his jaw, let out an exasperated groan, and stared blankly at the microwave. The awkwardness swelled between us. Silence, staring, clenching. I quickly said, “Based on that groan, your body language, and your lack of an answer, it is obvious you are not willing… Never mind.”
I walked away; trying with all I had not to let the feelings of loneliness, rejection, and disappointment overwhelm me—deep breath…in and out… Remember, God is his God, too. I’m ok. He’s ok. Not wrong, just different.
It wasn’t working.
All of my self-talk and “right-thinking” was not working. I retreated into my bathroom, drew a bath, and started to cry. “Heavenly Father, this is a righteous desire,” I explained as I sat in the tub weeping. “I want to vision our future together. We could do so many great things if we were on the same page. But without visioning together, we have no direction. I want to be a partner with him in creating our future. I feel so stuck. I believe in you, and yet the heavens feel silent, and I feel alone. I have been trying so hard to practice this rare faith stuff. You can step in. Do something, anything. I don’t have the power that you do. Why won’t you help me?” My body shook as I sobbed. Eventually, the tears subsided, my body calmed, and I got still.
Then God asked me to look back.
A memory came to my mind. Years ago, I was in the tub, crying. I was begging Heavenly Father for help. “Please,” I plead, “ My request is a righteous desire. I need your help. I believe in you, but you won’t answer, and I am alone. I don’t know what to do, and I’m trying so hard to be patient. How long do I have to wait before you bless me? You can step in. You have the power to do what I can’t. Please, Lord, help us.”
I had dreamed of the experience of kneeling with my partner to petition heaven together since I was a child. When I asked my husband if he would pray with me at night, he would resist and become emotionally withdrawn. I was lonely; he felt controlled. It was a silent power struggle. Win/lose That was the game we were playing, and I wanted it to change.
As I reviewed the memory, I realized how familiar it all felt—the same feelings of not being heard by God. It was a different request, but I was on the same emotional and thought frequency as my previous struggle. Slowly, as my mind reviewed what had happened at the edge of my bed the night before, I realized that my request for help, from so long ago, was granted, and I hardly noticed it. My husband and I pray together almost every night now. There is no resistance, no resentment, or a power struggle. It’s just what we do now. We pray together.
An awareness expanded. The reality of what God was and is doing for both of us came into focus. I saw how gracious He is in allowing my husband’s right to choose his path and pace. Just like God honors the way and the speed of growth that is comfortable for me. We are both loved, supported, and offered divine grace. I felt gratitude wash over me.
I choose to receive the truth that Heavenly Father and the hosts of heaven are, in fact, very involved in our life. The truth is that God cannot move anyone I love faster than they agree to go. Just like He can’t force me to move more quickly than I am willing to go. And yet, he is always nudging me and is consistently patient with my choice to grow or stay where I am.
I got out of the bathtub and out of the way. I let go of my impatience regarding my husband’s timing and process. God stepped in and in a way I never considered, provided an opportunity that resulted in my husband completing the Guided Mindset Mastery course in September.
So, if you are lonely and feeling like the heavens are shut or silent, take a look back. What did you pray for that is now fulfilled? What miracle came in and silently without fanfare that sat down in your everyday life? God is so honoring and loving. He will grant you everything you need to find joy in your journey regardless of what pace others around you are walking.