I haven’t gotten out of bed today. And that’s ok!
Yesterday my emotions bounced from angry to mad to defensive and protective to sad, to feeling controlled, then loved by Jaden (his hugs were intentional and supportive) and heard by Tom. Then I bounced back into anger and victimhood, and it was all ok!
I wrote a letter to God yesterday morning. It’s something I do almost every day.
He listened. He knows what’s happening and He is ok with my human experiences of having strong emotions.
I asked Christ for assistance in experiencing peace. His peace. The kind that is beyond my understanding.
The kind that’s beyond my desires at the moment. (I just want to feel mad!) But I don’t, but I do …. In other words, I’m a perfectly hot human mess.
So, I asked for the desire to desire peace about my situation. And an inspired action step to take because I trust He has the view of the future that I don’t.
He patiently lovingly gave me space to feel all that I am feeling, without judgment, and when He saw the perfect opportunity, he gave me a drop of what I’ve asked for. A small dose of peace.
Then he patiently waited as I decided to take it in or push it away.
He walked with me all day.
To others this tantrum my seem childish.
To Him, he knows what I have experienced in the past and why this feels big to me.
This morning I decided to stay in my bed and receive!
Receive rest, receive compassion, receive hope. Drop by loving heavenly drop I’m allowing God to support me.
I am starting to feel sweet surrender seep into my heart. Laced with pangs of resistance. And it’s all ok!
What I know is this. My joy today is being in bed. Comfy, safe, honoring my process, celebrating my humanness and gently slowly (at my chosen pace) receiving all that I need from a very loving God!!
Joyful moments are always available. I’m going to keep breathing them in.
And to be honest. There’s a little bit of excitement about what is on its way for me to receive!